Ashes, ashes…

Because we’ve been working with a reproductive endocrinologist, Sarah and I have been on the high-touch pregnancy track. We went this morning to have an 8 week sonogram, and there was nothing – the fetus had died and then disintegrated.

I haven’t done much crying yet – tears would soften the bitter taste of the ashes on my tongue – and I have the sense of being squeezed by the world’s increasing concavity. I cling to the unfairness of life as a refuge from the horror of Divine schar v’onesh (reward & punishment).

I appreciate the kind thoughts and prayers we have received up till now – although sadly the outcome was not made positive thereby – and I had really thought that getting to the heartbeat meant we were over the worst part. But I was wrong.

Oh, we’ll get through this – we’re getting to be professionals at something where even amateur status is dreaded – but for now it’s eit livkot… eit s’fod… (Ecc 3:4 – a time to weep… a time to mourn…)

About thegameiam
I'm a network engineer, musician, and Orthodox Jew who opines on things which cross my path.

7 Responses to Ashes, ashes…

  1. Our hearts break for you and Sarah. We’re so sorry for your loss and for this struggle to be what you will, G-d willing, one day be great at: parents.

  2. Nechama Kramer says:

    David I am so very sorry. I know there’s nothing I can say or do, but my thoughts are with you.

  3. Linda woodworth says:

    David and Sarah, I am so sorry. There’s not much more to say than that you both are in our thoughts and prayers as you grieve.

  4. Janet says:

    My deepest condolences. My thoughts are with you. You have already shown so much resourceful determination with past challenges. I know that you will be able to apply that in the future, and I pray that you’re able to realize your dreams.

  5. Ariana Kelly says:

    Oh dear cousins, I am so sorry. Please know you are in our thoughts, and we are here for you.

  6. Sending love and compassion.

  7. Foxfier says:

    I’m sorry.

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