Closer to the Heart

מִזְמוֹר לְתוֹדָה: הָרִיעוּ לַיהוָה, כָּל-הָאָרֶץ
עִבְדוּ אֶת-יְהוָה בְּשִׂמְחָה; בֹּאוּ לְפָנָיו, בִּרְנָנָה.
דְּעוּ– כִּי יְהוָה, הוּא אֱלֹהִים:
הוּא-עָשָׂנוּ, ולא אֲנַחְנוּ– עַמּוֹ, וְצֹאן מַרְעִיתוֹ.
בֹּאוּ שְׁעָרָיו, בְּתוֹדָה–חֲצֵרֹתָיו בִּתְהִלָּה; הוֹדוּ-לוֹ, בָּרְכוּ שְׁמוֹ.
כִּי-טוֹב יְהוָה, לְעוֹלָם חַסְדּוֹ; וְעַד-דֹּר וָדֹר, אֱמוּנָתוֹ.
Psalm 100, “A psalm of thanksgiving,”

Yesterday, Sarah and I went to CFA for a 6-week sonogram. This is the point we hadn’t gotten to in the past – that is, in both of the prior pregnancies, it was a sonogram at about this point which determined that the foetus had died.

This time was different. Dr. Sacks was extremely blasé about it – “oh, here’s the baby, and there’s the heartbeat.” They didn’t give me a digital image, but it looks like this*:

I started crying right away – and only came back to the present when he said “let’s hear it,” and played a staticy audio – it was clear (at 112bpm).

I am grateful to have been brought to this place now, and like the psalm says, I will serve the LORD in joy.

I’ll try to stay in today, but daydreaming has a way of getting the better of me, and this sure sounds like the coolest thing ever.

* Given the whole discussion about ultrasound and abortion in Virginia recently, the audibility of a heartbeat at 6 weeks throws the positions of the partisans into sharp relief.


About thegameiam
I'm a network engineer, musician, and Orthodox Jew who opines on things which cross my path.

2 Responses to Closer to the Heart

  1. Foxfier says:

    Thank You, above!

    I’ll keep praying, too.

    I still get choked up when I think about hearing my girls for the first time, too– they were both just into the second trimester when we got to a doctor. (fear of exactly what you have suffered being a large part of why I didn’t go in the second time)

    My quibble on the “coolest thing ever” part is that it seems very him-centered, rather than kid-centered. I’m over sensitive to that from my age group seeing kids as a consumer good, though.

    And yes, this does throw it into sharp relief. Although your Lady can surely point out that a wand is less invasive than the yearly pap smear that we’re “required” to get to check for something that becomes a risk if you’ve got a specific STD…..

  2. Ari E-B says:

    Thrilled for you. Also relieved. But mostly thrilled.

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