Fear Itself

I’m a bit scared right now. I have mystery pain and neuropathy in my hands, arms, and feet, and it has proven to be resistant to the attempts to treat or diagnose it. Some things I know:

My EMG was normal (but very, very painful – I would put it in the same league as a pelvic fracture or a kidney stone), so I don’t have nerve or muscle problems in my extremities. My blood-work shows a whole bunch of things I don’t have: no lupus, no lyme (well, at least not a standard Western Blot, but these tests are notoriously inaccurate), and no thyroid problem. I know that it’s no longer Parvo – it was either a co-infection, something that the parvo triggered, or something that was masked by the parvo. I’ve got a series of MRIs tomorrow where they’ll try to determine whether I have any brains or any backbone, so we’ll see what it says.

I’ve now had three courses of prednisone, multiple different systemic NSAIDs, topical NSAIDs, muscle relaxants, and other pain-relief drugs, and none of them get me to a point where I can play guitar for more than 10 minutes without my left hand going numb. Then, of course, there are the side effects of the meds, which range from the merely unpleasant to the thoroughly embarrassing.

Sarah’s being a trooper about all of this – she’s tremendously supportive, and I have no idea how I would deal with this if I were (God forbid) single – but I know this is draining for her too, and of course all of the above things aren’t a recipe for me being in a good mood…

So I’m scared. I know that I have some of the best physicians in the DC area looking at me, and I know that Sarah will be by my side no matter what happens, but that doesn’t actually settle down the emotion. So now, I go try to relax for a bit, and perhaps tone down the anxiety.


About thegameiam
I'm a network engineer, musician, and Orthodox Jew who opines on things which cross my path.

One Response to Fear Itself

  1. Shoshana says:

    I hope that they find whatever it is and it is an easy and complete recovery. Of course, we are always here to lend a hand if you ever need us.

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